


Holding Back

by rudbeckia



Series: exchange student AU [3]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Cult Mention, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 19:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16687261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Long ago (in part one) Hux and Kylo hooked up at a party organised for the American exchange students at Hux’s high school. Then (in part two) Hux joined the Royal Navy to get away from his father and have some kind of future career.But the challenges of a restricted, long distance relationship eventually proved too much for the impulsive young couple.Now it’s ten years since Hux last heard from Kylo. They meet unexpectedly, but will they still feel anything for one another?For the prompt: “I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”





	Holding Back

Hux marched out of habit, uncomfortable in the casual attire that hung on his spare frame and, although he kept his head up and his shoulders back, he wished he could blend into the background like so many others could. The bar was just ahead: a fancy cocktail place. He thumbed his phone as he allowed the bouncers to scan him for concealed weapons. One of their metal detector wands whined at his thigh.  
“Shrapnel,” he said, handing over his ID. “You need me to drop my trousers and show you the scars to prove it?”  
The bouncer stepped back and almost saluted. “Uh, no sir! Have a nice evening.”

 _I will probably hate you for this_  
_...I know. Have fun._

Inside, the bar felt like a cave. He gave his name and was escorted to a small table from where he could watch people vying for happy-hour drinks. He used the bar’s premium app (Phasma had warned him he’d need it), ordered _dark and stormy_ on the two-for-one deal and waited for his “date” to arrive. He’d arrived perfectly on time and his date should be here. He opened his last text from Phasma and clicked the call button.

“This is stupid. I’m going home in ten minutes.”  
_”You have not had a date in ten years. You stay right where you are!”_

As Hux scowled into empty space, the seat opposite scraped back and someone large paused then sat down, perched on the edge of the chair.  
“Well fuck me!”  
Hux sneered as he raised his eyes to glare at his date. “That’s a bit prema—”  
The face, scarred and a decade older than when they’d said goodbye over Skype before one of Hux’s longer missions, was unmistakably Kylo.

Even sitting a couple of feet away, Kylo could hear the peal of laughter from Hux’s phone as he ended the call and set his phone face down on the table. Kylo’s adam’s apple bobbed and his lips twitched. Hux stared.  
“So,” Kylo’s face flickered with a smile. “How are you?”  
Two condensation-soaked glasses landed on the table between them. Hux took one and pushed the other towards Kylo.  
“I’m fine, how are you?”  
“Fine.” Kylo’s head dropped a little, eyebrows shadowing his eyes. Hux nodded.  
“So we’re both fine. I’m glad we established that early on.”  
Kylo shook his head and sat back. “You’re still a sarcastic bastard. That’s one of your more endearing attributes.”  
“Well, excuse me and fuck you!”  
“We could.” Kylo spoke quickly and quietly under the tasteful lounge music.  
“What?” Hux leaned forward, cupping his ear.  
“I said,” said Kylo, “we could. Go somewhere. I’m here for a conference and they put me up in a nice hotel.”  
Hux frowned at Kylo. “Are you suggesting that after ten years of fucking _silence_ we hook up as if we were horny teenagers again?”  
Hux watched Kylo’s shoulders rise and sag with his sigh. Kylo looked away and Hux felt something solid in his chest start to melt away. His throat tightened and he blinked rapidly.  
“No. Obviously not,” said Kylo. “We’re here as two strangers getting to know one another.” Kylo pointed at Hux’s phone. “Can I have your number?”  
“I never changed it. You just stopped texting.”

Kylo looked down. “Yeah,” he said after a while. “I thought... I never knew where you were or when you might call. I thought you were moving on and I never wanted to hear you say it was over, that you found someone else.”  
“You ghosted me while I was on active service.” Hux leaned forward and grimaced. “For months I wondered what I did wrong. What I did or said to make you hate me. Have you any idea what that feels like?” Hux shook his head. “Probably not, you self-absorbed prick.”  
“I joined a cult.”  
Hux sat back and scoffed. “Fucking hell, Kylo. That’s some excuse—“  
“It’s true! It was called _The Supremacy._ Nasty outfit. My family got me out of it. Uncle Luke drove all the way to Nevada with mom, dad, Rey, and Uncle Chewie. There was a massive fight and the cult leader got killed. It was all over the internet for about a week. I hoped you’d see it and call me. But by the time I realised you weren’t going to, I’d been out of contact for so long I didn’t know how to start a conversation with you any more.”  
“Well,” said Hux, tapping at the internet browser on his phone, raising his eyebrows and looking back over at Kylo. “You could have started with _Hey love, I’m sorry it’s been a while but it’s good to hear your voice again._ ”  
Kylo excused himself abruptly and walked away. Hux contemplated leaving but his phone rang. He lifted it to answer and a voice from ten years ago spoke soft, halting words into his ear.  
“Hey love, I’m so sorry it’s been so long. It really is good to hear your voice.”  
Hux closed his eyes and felt warm, fat tears gather in his eyelashes, ready to fall at the slightest blink.  
“Kylo. I’m glad you called. Meet me outside?”

Hux and Kylo walked slowly, barely exchanging any words. Kylo stopped outside a Georgian townhouse with evergreen window boxes and festive lights draped on the railings. “This is where I’m staying.”  
“Oh,” said Hux, looking up at the white painted facade. “How long are you here for?”  
“My flight back is tomorrow evening.” Kylo sucked his lip at Hux’s sour expression, then added, “but I can stay for another eighty five days before I get thrown out of the country. Just tell me you’ll see me again and I’ll stay.”  
“Tomorrow morning. Here.” Hux pointed at the paving slab under their feet. “Right here at ten.”  
Before Kylo could process the invitation and respond, Hux took a step backward, turned and marched away.

His phone screen lit up and the ringtone jarred Kylo from sleep. He groped the bedside table until he found his phone and held it to his ear.  
“Nnnngh?”  
“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again”  
Kylo peered at the red numerals of the hotel alarm clock. Three in the morning. He summoned up all his powers of speech and replied.  
“Huungh?”  
“Oh stars. Sorry. I shouldn’t have called at oh-fuck-hundred hours. You were asleep.”  
“Huhmm...ux? Hux.”  
“Yeah. Sorry. I’ll see you at ten.”  
“Nonononono don’t hang up!”  
“I should. Let you go back to sleep.”  
“No, you should talk to me. I’m awake. I’m not going to go back to sleep.”  
“Hah! Hahaha remember all those times you called me to say goodnight and it was _four in the fucking morning_ for me?”  
Kylo sat up and clicked the bedside lamp on. He smiled. “I remember.” He gripped the bedcovers with his free hand and closed his eyes, focused on taking a deep breath. “I cancelled my flight and emailed work to say I‘m staying on. I really missed you.”  
“I... I missed you too. So fucking much.”  
Kylo swallowed, his throat thick and heavy. “I’m sorry, Hux. I was an idiot.”  
“I’m sorry too, Kylo, love. Goodnight.”  
Kylo stared at the screen until it went blank. He lay back with his phone still in his hand then raised it when it vibrated once.

The message was an address. Kylo leapt out of bed so fast his head spun, pulled on his clothes and packed the few remaining belongings not already in his case. By the time he’d checked out of the hotel, his cab was waiting for him. The smooth drive through streets normally clogged with cars gave Kylo a rare view of London at rest and he wondered with a sudden stab of fear if Hux was perhaps not expecting him at all. The cab pulled up to the kerb. Kylo paid and got out then looked up and down the street for the right house number. A door opened and Hux strode out in pyjamas. He took Kylo’s case in one hand, then Kylo’s hand in the other, and led him inside.


End file.
